Indian Summer
by TheHildur92
Summary: On his eighteenth birthday, a drunken Sam reveals his true feelings for his elder brother. How will Dean react?
1. Chapter 1

_Sam confesses twice in his life that he loves Dean. The first time is on his eighteenth birthday when Dean brings home two cases of beer and slings them onto the kitchen table where Sam is studying with his annoying smirk on his face. "Sammy, my boy, it´s time you get shitfaced."_

 _And get shitfaced is exactly what Sam does that night. The brothers play poker, and hustle each other as best they can, and Sam has never had this much fun in his life. For once, they are not chasing the ghost around the next bend in the road, packing for the next namless hotel or heeding barking orders from their father, who often acts more like their drill sergeant then a dad. They are not his little soldiers, or even hunters. They are family. Nothing more and nothing less._

 _At midnight, Dean helps Sam to the bedroom they share. The younger brother slings his arm familarly around his brother´s shoulders, while Dean puts his arm around Sam´s waist to ward him from falling over. The older hunter manages to get his brother safely into bed, and hovers over Sam, ensuring he is comfortable. Sam unexpextedly reaches out, puts his hand on the back of his brother´s head and pulls Dean down until the lips of the two men meet. It´s only for a moment in time before Dean pulls away, as if burned but Sam does not notice, sleep is already pulling him in._

" _Love you, Dean," he whispers before turning on his side away from his brother and promptly falls asleep. Sleep, however, eludes Dean that night._

 _He sits in the chair by Sam´s bed and watches the young hunter sleep, the taste of his brother´s kiss still upon his lips._

 _He falls asleep in the chair just before dawn._

 _Dean awakes two hours later, disoriented and confused. Sam is still asleep and the older hunter stumbles to the kitchen and heats himself some coffee before heading out to the deck. At first he thought it was a bad idea to rent this cabin so that Sam could finish off his senior year in high school, but he has enjoyed the last six months, at times they have almost seemed like a regular family. Dean drinks his coffee thoughtfully, contemplating on the happenings of the night before. He must admit that it was a long time coming. Dean can´t really put his finger on when his feelings for his brother changed, but he can admit to himself that they have always been close, like two sides of the same coin. It´s always been him and Sam._

 _When did that brotherly devotion change into love?_

 _Dean is both surprised and glad when he feels a warm body behind him. He allows himself to lean against Sam and watch the sun rise over the tops of the trees in the forest which covers the area in which the cabin stands. Trust John Winchester to choose the most remote location in town. He finally puts his coffee cup down and turns to face Sam. He gazes up into his brother´s beautiful but inscrutable face and wishes that for once, Sam would express how he is feeling. Sam has always been a riddle unto himself, and yet Dean was always able to understand him in the past, until two years ago when Sam began to drift away and their relationship changed. It was still the same in many ways, but in other ways, it changed permanently. Sam no longer confided in Dean, no longer told his elder brother his secrets, and became irritated when Dean tried to teach him how to hunt. Dean was now beginning to get an inkling as to why the change had occurred to begin with._

 _Sam finally reaches down and Dean holds his breath wondering what his brother will do next. The younger hunter takes the chin of his older brother and forces him to lock eyes. Then he leans down and joins his lips with Dean´s. This kiss is different from the one they shared the night before. It is filled with passion and want, Dean feels himself becoming weak in the knees and has to put his hands on his brother´s hips to hold himself steady. Soon enough, however, the ramifications of his actions flood over him and he pulls away, against his own desires._

 _Before he can stop himself, Dean has whispered;"I can´t do this Sam," before running away like a coward with his tail between his legs and he runs through the cabin before Sam can stop him, grabbing the keys to the Impala as he makes his escape through the kitchen. He jumps into the car, starts the car but can see Sam standing on the front step, in the rearview mirror, looking completely forlorn and alone._

 _He stops the car a few minutes away and hits the steering wheel in anger, cursing himself for being such a fool._


	2. Chapter 2

_The second time Sam confesses his love for Dean is a few days after their shared kiss on the deck. John is gone yet again, and Dean has been ignoring Sam for the past few days. He has seldom been home, leaving the younger man to his own devices. Sam is confused, to say the least. He wants nothing more then to discuss what took place between the two of them, but Dean seems intent on ignoring the matter altogether. Sam has no intention of allowing him to do that._

 _Three days after the fateful day that changed everything, Sam arrives home to find his brother in the kitchen. He greets his brother hesitantly but does not receive a reply. Sam figures Dean has not yet forgiven him and is about to turn away, when he follows the gaze of the older hunter and sees what is lying on the table. It´s a letter stamped with the Stanford insignia. It´s open. Sam is about to accuse his brother of invading his privacy when Dean allows his cold gaze to fall onto him._

" _Is it true? Did you apply for Stanford?" Sam does not miss the betrayed tone in his brother´s voice. He does not need to read the letter to know he got accepted._

" _Yes, I did, before I knew something might happen between us."_

" _How could you do that, Sammy?"_

 _Sam cannot frame an answer to this question._

" _How could you tell me you love me, kiss me and yet know that you are leaving?"_

 _Sam finally manages to find his voice and slumps into the chair opposite his brother. "I figured I had nothing left to loose, might as well tell you before I left. I had to know, Dean."_

" _And now, you are leaving to start a new life. One that has no room for me in it." Dean looks down at his hands resting on the kitchen table instead of watching the facial expressions of his brother._

 _Sam reaches out and places his hand over Dean´s. "You could come with me," he suggests carefully._

 _Dean pulls his hand away and laughs coldly. "College is no place for someone like me, Sammy. I belong here." He waves around to accentuate his surroundings. "This is my life. It always will be."_

" _Then ask me to stay."_

 _Dean lifts an eyebrow. "You would do that?"_

" _You´re my brother. There is nothing I wouldn´t do for you."_

 _To Sam´s suprise, Dean arises from his chair, walks up to him, grabs his collar and kisses him intensely. It takes Sam a moment to recover, but then he returns the kisses in kind, allowing Dean´s possessive tongue entrance into his mouth. Dean´s presence is everywhere, pulses within his veins like the blood they share. Soon enough, Sam is sitting on the kitchen table with Dean situating himself between his legs. Sam´s fingers entangle themselves in his brother´s shorn locks, while Dean´s fingers roam Sam´s warm, young skin, tracing the grooves and nooks, learning the feel of it against his own. Dean pulls Sam´s shirt out of the waistband of his jeans, and throws the clothing onto the floor._

 _He lays Sam gently onto the kitchen table, then sttraddles him with one leg on each side. Dean leans down to kiss Sam once again and begins to lavish Sam´s neck with kisses. He finds one particularly sensitive spot and loves the feeling when Sam begins to writhe underneath his touch and grows hard under his ministrations._

 _Sam´s mouth finds his ear and whispers its confession. "I love you, Dean."_

 _Dean freezes, the reality of the situation finally washing over him. He stops kissing Sam´s neck, scrambles off the table and away from his brother._

" _What is it, Dean?" Sam sits up, dazed and not a little confused at his brother´s changed demenour. He quickly pulls on the discarded shirt and follows his brother to the bathroom where Dean splashes cold water on his face from the sink._

" _What´s going on?" Sam questions again, fear now beginning to rise that perhaps Dean does not feel the same way for him. Perhaps it was all a bit of sport, another notch in the bedpost._

 _Dean dries his face with a towel, and then regards his brother with sad eyes after throwing it down on the ground. "I can´t do this."_

" _You said as much a few days ago. I believe you owe me an explanation."_

 _Sam allows Dean to walk past him into the kitchen where the elder brother finds a beer in the fridge and chugs it. It´s only after getting some liquid courage that Dean is able to respond to Sam´s questions._

" _I can´t allow you to give it all up for me," is his final response. Dean squashes the bottle and then throws it expertly into the trashcan before turning to Sam. "You have a shot at a real future. I can´t ruin that for you."_

" _And if I choose to stay of my own accord? I´m not a child, Dean. I can make my own choices."_

" _And we live happily ever after? Grow up, Sam!"_

 _Dean is about to walk past his brother out of the kitchen but his brother grabs his arm and forces him to stay. "Whether you like it or not, this is real. You can deny it all you want, run all you want but it changes nothing. The more you struggle, the harder the grip. You already have the noose around your neck, can no longer cut it. It only a matter of time before it strangles you."_

 _Dean extracts his arm from Sam´s grasp. "If you give up this opportunity, you will one day resent me for forcing you to make that choice. Perhaps you can live with that. I can´t."_

" _Then tell me you don´t love me," Sam insists. "Then I will go to Stanford."_

 _By some miracle, Dean manages to hold himself together enough to tell the worst lie that has ever crossed his lips as he looks his little brother squarely in the eye. "I don´t love you."_

 _Somehow, he finds the resolution not to stop Sam when his brother flees from the kitchen and does not comfort him when he hears him crying during the night._

 _John returns the next morning and Sam reveals that he is going to Stanford. John threatens, pleads and begs, but nothing changes Sam´s mind once it is made up. Dean hardly speaks to his brother during the next few days as Sam packs his meager belongings and is even the one to drive him to the bus stop. He manages to hold his composure while he waves Sam off, but then he gets into the Impala and cries like a little sizzy girl. Once he has recovered, he starts the engine and goes in search of the next bar and a nameless, faceless pretty face that he can fuck all sense out of._


	3. Chapter 3

" _Sammy?"_

 _Sam turns and has to blink twice before he realizes Dean is standing in front of him. It is a bright day in September, and the youngest Winchester has just emerged from his last class of the evening and is heading for the apartment he shares with Jess._

" _Dean? What are you doing here?" The surprise can be easily heard in Sam´s voice._

" _I´m not allowed to see my little brother?" With that, Dean slumps forward and Sam barely manages to grab him before he falls to the ground. Sam puts both hands on his brother´s hips as Dean manages to regain his equilibrium and meets the brown eyes of the youngest Winchester. "Besides, if I had called would you have picked up?"_

" _What´s going on?"_

" _I´m hurt. A poltergeist got me in the stomach and got me good. Dad is in Nebraska. Therefore you seemed like the most viable alternative."_

 _It only takes a moment for Sam to recover. "Let´s get you back to the apartment and taken care of." Thankfully, the apartment is not far away, Sam considers as he puts one arm around Dean´s waist to support him better and the older Winchester places his arm around Sam´s shoulders. As the duo slowly makes their way through the campus, Sam cannot help the thought how normal this feels, to walk around Palo Alto with his arm around Dean´s waist, as if they were a couple. He finally pushes such thoughts from his mind._

" _Where is Jess?" Dean manages to utter, but his brother can tell how painful every word is. Sam wonders how he knows but decides against an interrogation for the present._

" _She is away on a retreat for a few days." The brothers finally reach the dorm and Sam helps Dean to navigate the stairs up to his apartment. The taller brother leads the way to his bedroom and places Dean upon it._

" _Take your shirt off," Sam demands._

" _All you had to do was ask, Sam," Dean replies as he wiggles his eyebrows and begins to zip down his leather jacket in order to remove the item of clothing requested. Sam sighs at the familiar antics of his brother but gasps when he sees the blood on Dean´s shirt and the deep claw marks on Dean´s stomach once he has removed it. His hand reaches out to graze the area and he loves the feeling of the warm, supple skin moving beneath his own. Dean gives a little gasp, but Sam doesn´t know whether it is due to his touch or the pain._

" _Lie down," Sam commands again and goes to the bathroom next door to get supplies. Luckily, out of old habit, he has a supply of bandages, needles and thread, along with various medications needed in case the urge ever awakened to go hunting once again._

 _The young hunter goes back to the bedroom and gives Dean a painkiller to lessen the pain. Then, Sam begins to clean the wound and after that stitches it together. Thankfully, only the largest and deepest of the three scratches needs stiches, the rest will heal on their own. Through this process, Dean merely grits his teeth and endures the pain. Once the stitching is done, Sam instructs Dean to sit up on the bed and wraps bandages around Dean´s middle to hold everything in place._

 _Sam goes to the bathroom again and finds sleeping pills that he takes to Dean along with some water. His brother downs them and then lies down on the bed again. Sam helps his brother to take off his socks and shoes but leaves the jeans on for good measure. Soon enough, the older hunter has fallen asleep and Sam can feel how tired he is after a long day of classes and homework. He therefore walks to the other side of the bed, undresses quickly except for his boxers and leaves the clothes on the floor before getting into bed and succumbing to sleep. The youngest Winchester thinks little of sharing a bed with his brother since they have done it since they were little._

 _Sometime during the night, Sam feels Dean moving against him, moulding his own body to his brother´s, so that they are now spooning. To top it off, Dean puts his hand in his sleep over Sam, as if laying claim to him. The young hunter reminds himself to give Dean no end of grief tomorrow for this escapade, this girly "chick-flick moment," as his brother would deem it. A smile plays upon Sam´s lips before he goes back to sleep._

 _The next morning, Sam wakes up to the sunlight shining into his face since he forgot to shut the blinds last night. Dean is not sleeping soundly next to him and Sam gets up when he hears some tinkering from the kitchen. He goes into the living room to find Dean there, standing in front of the windows and drinking coffee, naked from the waist up. When Dean hears his brother in the doorway, he turns and Sam swears later he has never seen a more beutiful sight than Dean with sleep in his eyes, impression from the pillow on his cheek and his short bangs standing out every which way._

" _Did you sleep?" Sam greets his brother._

 _Dean merely nods, as if lost in his own train of thoughts._

" _Why did you come here, Dean?"_

 _Sam´s question breaks the reverie Dean had fallen into and he has to repeat the question before receiving a response from his brother. "I was injured," the older hunter reiterated his words from the night before._

" _You could have gone to see Caleb or Pastor Jim. Yet, you came to me. Why?" Sam has no intention of letting this go._

 _Dean regards his brother for a moment, as if deciding whether to venture with the true answer or not. After some time has passed, he takes a deep breath and puts the cup of coffee away. "I came here to tell you I was a jerk."_

 _The questioning look in Sam´s eyes tells his brother he isn´t sure what Dean is referring to. "When I told you two years ago I didn´t love you, I lied."_

 _Sam crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Why did you lie?"_

" _Because I thought you deserved better, Sammy. I will never have a different life than hunting, Dad never gave me the chance. You had a shot and I wanted you to take it." Dean turns back to the window, away from Sam. "Even now, I can´t say it. Damn it!" The anger is evident in the voice of the older Winchester._

 _Dean is expecting an angry tirade or an hour-long speech on how to be more in touch with your feelings. Sam, however, reacts in a manner surprising to both men. He walks up to Dean, puts his hand on his shoulder and turns him around to face him. "I knew all along, Dean. I´ve known you too long for you to be able to lie to my face."_

" _Then, why did you leave?" Dean gazes up into the eyes of his younger brother._

" _Because I wanted that dream you had for me too. I wanted the wifey, house and two kids, a boy and a girl. I even had the names picked out." Sam now sees with frightening clarity he needed to live and make it on his own before returning to Dean. Deep down, he always knew he would. It is only now, however, that he is willing to face the fact and stare it down._

 _Silently, Dean walks past Sam, back into the bedroom and begins to pull on one of Sam´s old shirts. "What are you doing?" questions Sam who has followed hot on his heels. Instead of responding, Dean pulls on his leather jacket and heads for the front door._

 _Sam has no intention of letting Dean leave now, after waiting for two years for the sound of the Impala roaring into the neighbourhood. He grabs his brother by the wrist and forces Dean to face him. "I can´t compete, Sam, you must know that?" Dean waves around his hand, indicating a picture of Jess and Sam hanging on a wall. It was taken at a dance they went to a year ago, she is wearing a white dress, and Sam is dressed to the nines in a tuxedo. "She can give you the house, the kids, invite people home so you will make partner at the firm..."_

 _Sam interrups him. "Dean, I spoke in the past tense earlier. You didn´t notice?"_

" _You mean you don´t want those things anymore?"_

" _Those things will not make me happy if I don´t have you in my life, Dean."_

" _Really?" Dean looks as if both Christmas and Easter arrived at the same time. Yet he seems worried it will all go away in a heartbeat._

" _Yes. I just want you, Dean." The smile of his brother holds the force of a thousand suns. Sam suddenly feels himself being grabbed around the waist possessively and allows the action. It is as if Dean fears he might vanish like a dream if he lets Sam go._

 _The younger Winchester gives Dean a dazzling smile and leans down to join his lips with those of his brother. When the two men part, Dean questions his Sammy._

" _What about Jess?"_

" _She looks better in a dress than you, for sure." Dean playslaps his brother and Sam pretends it hurt. "Ouch. Actually, she is not on a retreat. We broke up two weeks ago."_

" _I´m sorry, Sammy."_

" _No, you are not!" Dean is wearing a grin that gives the lie away. "Since we are on the subject of disclosure, why did you decide to confess finally?"_

 _Dean grows serious again. "The poltergeist. When it attacked me, you were all I could think about."_

 _Sam cups Dean´s cheek with his hand. "I´m not going anywhere."_

 _Dean´s soaring green eyes meet his brother´s. "Promise?"_

 _Sam nods. "Yes."_

" _Can you promise me something else?"_

 _Sam leans down to join their foreheads together. "What?"_

" _Don´t ever let me give up on us again. Don´t give up on us even if I do. Call me all the names under the sun, punch me if needed, just don´t let me walk out that door."_

" _I promise," Sam agrees wholeheartedly. "Now, stop being a sentimental jerk."_

" _I will, if you stop being such a bitch."_


End file.
